I have a deep passion for three different college football teams. A lot of my friends tell me this is not acceptable and that you should only have one, MAYBE two favorite teams. I say, share the love! The more teams you love the more fun the season is! I do prioritize them, though. I have always and always will put my Hogs above all else. I was raised in Arkansas and although I chose to move away, I still love the Hogs. I am a Hog girl, through and through. However, when I found my birth mom 8 years ago and started spending a lot of time in Mobile, Alabama where I was born, I became a huge Alabama fan. It sure is nice that they’re an awesome team and National Champs. And then finally, I root for my husband’s favorite team, the Miami Hurricanes. I do enjoy their sordid past. When so many other households are divided, we are united for our three favorite teams! I say, if you’re adopted you can root for where you were born AND where you were raised or went to college. It’s your birthright! 😉 Enjoy this season people and WOOOOOOOOOOO PIG SOOOOIE!!!!!!!!!!! Roll Tide!!!! and…. It’s all about the U!

I’ve already talked about how we inherit certain trait characteristics and others we learn. I’m interested in how this relates to fighting behavior disorders and/or addictions. I’ve heard of the term “addictive personality” which refers to someone who will trade one addiction for another. Supposedly, they are born with some trait that makes them easily addicted to things. My question is how much can an environment in which you are raised contribute to or prevent that behavior? What if you were born with the “alcoholic” gene but adopted and raised with a family who never drinks? Even though you’re obviously going to be introduced to alcohol sooner or later, does being raised by a very strong, ethical family reduce your chances of becoming an alcoholic? If the family consistently reinforced setting positive goals and reaching those goals, then is there a chance that the child will grow up very strong and focused therefore able to resist alcohol? Conversely, how likely is it that the addictive gene can overcome the environment no matter how the child was raised? The big question here is how powerful is DNA and how powerful is the environment? DNA is what it is and can’t be changed however there isn’t just one environment for everyone that can’t be changed. Environment is different for everyone and it does have an affect on personality. Can the solid, strong environment beat out DNA? I believe it’s possible the environment can beat it but it has to be an environment that is consistently positive, strong, and diligent. What do you all think?

Can placing your child for adoption inhibit you from having more children in the future? I heard a story about a couple who decided to place their child up for adoption when she became pregnant at a very young age. They both figured it was the best thing to do for the child. They stayed together as a couple as they grew up and eventually married. I’m guessing the hard choice they made together brought them closer together. After they married, they both felt like they shouldn’t/couldn’t have more kids because they would feel guilty about the first child they gave up. My heart breaks for that couple. As if placing your child for adoption doesn’t create enough emotional problems to last a lifetime, let’s add the sacrifice of ever feeling the joy of being a parent to that emotional pain. Because they made the loving decision to give up the first child, they then make the decision to give up any future children. This couple selflessly gave their first child endless opportunities; but then they punish themselves by never having children. Why sacrifice that joy on top of what they’ve already sacrificed? I think I can understand the feeling of guilt but it breaks my heart that these good people would sacrifice so much of their future together. Is it a senseless sacrifice or would the guilt over that first child tear them apart? I hope that birth parents know that they are good people and deserve to be happy even if that means having children later in life, when they can handle it. Are there others like that out there that feel this way? Don’t punish yourselves, reward yourselves with a happy life. That is what your first child deserves.

Do you realize how much fear holds you back? Fear is a part of the ego and it contributes to stress and worry, all of which hold you back from taking chances. It took me 30 years to find my birth mother and once I finally did, it took me three whole days to call her for that first time. What held me back? You guessed it – FEAR. I was scared of the unknown, which isn’t unusual for most people but it was keeping me from connecting to a person I had dreamt about nearly my whole life! I was scared that she wouldn’t like me, or that she wouldn’t be interested in me, or that she might be mean. These fears kept me from calling her until I finally decided that I had already opened the can of worms so I might as well see what happened. If something bad happened, I would deal with it then. Lo and behold, it was a great decision and I got to know a beautiful and amazing woman which led to all kinds of great things happening in our lives! To think that my fear could have prevented the relationship I have with her now shows me that fear inhibits us in the worst way. I’m not talking about fear when you’re in a dangerous situation. That is a natural reaction which actually gives you the fight or flight adrenaline rush you need in those situations. I’m talking about the fear of what COULD happen, not what IS happening. You can overcome that fear but it takes discipline and an intense desire for the outcome you’re looking for. I moved away from my whole family in Arkansas to Florida with a baby and a rocky relationship with her father. As you can imagine, I was scared; however, I loved Florida and wanted to live in that environment. I also knew that there was more opportunities for me and my daughter there. I knew there would be challenges but I knew that I could always move back home if it was too tough. I just took it one day at a time and now I’ve been here 12 years and have had many successes, as well as my daughter. Again, my fear could’ve kept me from living this fulfilling life. I’ve taken chances in my life, and they haven’t all turned out good but I know how to pick myself up, re-group, and move forward with my lessons learned. Don’t ever be scared to learn because knowledge squashes fear of the unknown and you will be more powerful than you ever thought possible.

The birth mother, sometimes birth father, the adoptee, and the adoptive parents get all the attention but what about the birth families? We tend to forget the effect adoption has on them. The Teen Mom series touches on it through Catelynn and Tyler’s story of adoption. Unfortunately, her mom and his dad were vehemently against it and provided zero support for the young teens. To a slightly lesser degree, there is an effect on other family members, as well. There are aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and others who feel sad about losing that member of the family. Or maybe the pregnancy and adoption are big secrets to most of the family and only close family members know about it putting an extra burden on their shoulders. It is hard for the family members because they know that the exciting new member of the family is going to become the member of a different family.  They are also supporting the birth mother and making her comfortable with her decision. And then they, too, will wonder their whole lives about the child. So let’s remember that it is not only a hard road for a birth mother and/or birth father but it is also a hard road for the family of that birth parent to be able to let go. Everyone involved is very brave and again, I personally thank my amazing birth mother AND her family for her decision to place me for adoption and the support they gave her through that incredibly rough time in her life. I’d love to hear from birth family members on how you felt when a child was placed for adoption and let me know if there are support groups for that. Thank you!

You don’t have to understand why someone does something or acts a certain way. You don’t have to “get it” and you certainly don’t try to change it or you will drive yourself crazy. I talk a lot about giving people the “space” to react and this is no different. You obviously can’t change them so your only choice is to change the way you react to it. Remember that annoying kid in kindergarten that was determined to get your attention by pulling your hair or pinching you? The more you reacted to that, the more the kid would do it! It’s the same when we are adults. If you don’t provide a reaction to a behavior, it’s possible that behavior could stop. The trick is to let them act a fool and you stand on the sidelines and watch instead of react. When you don’t give that reaction they have no choice but to see themselves because they’re not distracted by watching you. It’s really funny, give it a try and see if it works! At the least, it will keep your blood pressure down and that alone is worth it.

Donating an organ is not usually an easy decision for most people, except for me. When my birth mother told me that her sister was going on the critical list for a kidney, the words flew out of my mouth. I want to do it! Little did she know I had made the decision to donate to her when I first met my birth mother eight years ago. She had told me that her sister, my aunt, had contracted the same disease that killed their father many years ago, Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD). PKD is what its name suggests, it is the formation of many cysts in the kidney causing it to enlarge. It eventually leads to end-stage kidney failure. It is a genetic disease but had skipped the other siblings. It took another five years, but my aunt needed a kidney and so far, no one else in the family that had been tested was a suitable donor… except for me. I, of course, wanted to know all the risks but if I heard that there was no risk of me contracting the genetic disease then I was all in on giving my kidney to my aunt. After it was determined that my blood type was a match then I went to UAB in Birmingham and underwent extensive physical and mental tests to further determine my eligibility. It went very smoothly and I’m convinced that is because it was meant to be. I heard what I wanted to hear, that I wasn’t going to contract the disease and the surgery was scheduled. I went to Birmingham with my scared, loving boyfriend to have the surgery and it also went very smoothly! Recovery was a little rough, in fact, my aunt was up and about walking around and doing better than I was! Science is incredible… A few short weeks later I was finally headed back home to finish recovering and shortly after that, felt like nothing had ever happened. My only restriction was that I shouldn’t take anti-inflammatory medications. Other than that, my life has continued on as it did before with just a tiny, fading scar. What will never fade, though, is the bond that I now share with my aunt. The kidney, named April because that is the month she received it, is functioning well and she can now live a more fruitful life with her dear husband and family. I will always think about how I walked into their lives those couple years ago and no one knew how much of an impact it would be for all of us. Everything happens for a reason.

As far as core personality traits go, I didn’t seem to inherit a lot of patience from my birth parents nor did I learn to develop it from my mom and dad! My whole life I wanted what I wanted RIGHT THEN! That’s pretty typical of kids, I guess. But then I also lacked patience when it came to other people’s behavior. When I’m annoyed by something, it is really hard for me to just smile and be patient with that person. I’ve had to really develop that skill and I’m still not always good at it! The truth is, we all need to have patience with one another. I’ve learned to give others the “space” they need to feel a certain way. Having patience and giving that space reduces arguments and actually reduces my overall stress! I may feel some physical stress pushing back those reactions that I WANT to have, but in the end, I feel really good and less stressed! I still don’t and never will have patience when it comes to getting physical things that I want (like my job, getting my book published, waiting in line for food, etc…) but developing patience with PEOPLE is what really counts and it is something I work on everyday. Some days are better than others… but rushing never helped anyone. Think about people who “rush” to marriage, or “rush” a task as simple as an important email. Does it work out smoothly or turn out as well as it should? Maybe, maybe not, but one thing is always for sure: Great, really great things come to those who wait.

I have been in the workforce since I was 15 (23 years now). At my young age, I was obviously not really focused on a career…. just wanted enough money for gas and clothes! When I failed out of college and began working two jobs in photography studios, I then began to think about my future (and how badly I had screwed up by not getting through college). I lightly thought about where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. The easy thing was to consider a career in photography so I entertained that idea until I made the crazy decision to join the Army. Life really changed then and I started figuring out how good it felt to be praised for a good job and how it can take you further. Of course, in the Army you gradually make your way up the enlisted ranks by time in service until you hit Sergeant and then it becomes more rigorous to get promoted. During my time in service I began to figure out what my passions/interests were and started considering what I would do once I was out of the Army. I was very motivated in my job and was given awards and such that made me want to do even better. Even then, I wasn’t thinking about getting to the proverbial “top”, just doing a great job and being respected for that. Once I got out of the Army I went back to school to take advantage of the GI Bill. I was basically starting from scratch and didn’t have a solid plan on what degree I wanted. I was also working a basic admin job at a fire station so there was no ladder to climb there. I then moved to Florida and got a job at a large defense contracting company. I started as an admin since I was still working on my degree. This is when my mind transformed from a “just a job” attitude to “I must get to the top” attitude. There were so many people at this company in many different capacities finding success. I wanted a piece of that. I watched Managers all the way up to Vice Presidents who had great credibility getting treated with respect. These people were making a difference in the company, bringing in business for the company and world class technology for our nation’s warfightersI wanted to be like that. I wanted to make a difference. So I began my journey by going above and beyond and showing my manager I could do more than what was just expected of me. I started to get recognition and subsequently, promotions. I got my degree and got promoted again. At this point is where I began to notice that although I did great work and everybody wanted my help, no one was giving me the opportunity to show the company at large the potential I had. The next eight years was a struggle of getting recognition and what I call lip service about how great I was but with nothing real to back it up. I was still considered a junior employee therefore, not empowered. It was discouraging but I kept at it until finally, FINALLY, just two weeks ago I received a promotion to Manager. I now work with people who not only respect me and trust me to do my job, but also empower me to make decisions. In the two weeks I’ve been in my new position, my boss has already relayed to the highest levels how great my contributions have been to the team in such a short amount of time. Now the executives are seeing what I can do and best of all, appreciating me and that is the goal I’ve been working toward… not to be a Vice President, necessarily, but to gain that respect from my peers and executives so that I can make a difference in our company and for our nation’s heroes. THAT is the sweetest taste of success and THAT is better than birthday cake!

I have lots of amazing friends, actually. But I’d like to talk about one really special friend today. She is a beautiful woman, inside and out, who is finding inspiration and encouragement through my posts, which of course makes me super happy! She has the purest of hearts and compassion for days! She exemplifies my post about your mind putting you where you are today. Her mind buried trauma that she suffered as a young child for years and now the wall she built is crumbling. But not for long… her mind is now tearing down that wall so she can put herself in a better place. It’s going to take a lot of work but she’s ready and willing. So in the end, I’M the one that is inspired by HER. I am excited to see her journey. I know she’s going to be even stronger than she already is! Kudos to my amazing friend… maybe someday you can share YOUR story because I know there are so many people that could benefit from you. Like my friend, please know that no matter what trauma you’ve experienced in your life, you can turn it around and inspire others.