When I was a kid, I probably would have told you I had it rough. I didn’t get along with my mom and I felt like I had strict rules on me regarding my social life. My  mom and I were always at each other’s throats and I felt like an outcast living in the country. So now I wish I could ask myself as a kid, how is that different from anyone else?? I had it really great in all actuality. Even though I didn’t always get along with my parents, I had no real worries because I had a nice roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my tummy. Above all of that, I had a family who adored me. I had it good but I know there are adoptees out there that really did have a bad childhood and I want to hear from you. Does the knowledge that you were adopted give you comfort because you know you didn’t really belong with those people? Or did it make you bitter towards your birth parents? Remember that your birth parents trusted the system and thought they were giving you a better life. I know we all feel better when we have someone we can be angry with but it is not healthy for you to hold this grudge and chip on your shoulder because of something that you couldn’t control (no matter how good it makes you feel to do so). Even if it makes you feel good to spend your life blaming others for the bad childhood it will not change your past and it certainly doesn’t help your present or future. As a very wise friend learned and passed on to me, you have to let your child-self know that it wasn’t their fault and it was ok to have suffered. Once you have accepted the trauma that happened and relinquished responsibility then you will be able to move forward in your life without holding yourself back. As I’ve said before, we all deserve to be happy. Don’t be standing in the way of your own happiness because you harbor resentment against those who caused you harm. So tell me…  Are you an adoptee that really had it good but because it wasn’t perfect blamed it on beind adopted? Or are you an adoptee who fell into the hands of parents who weren’t loving and had problems, maybe addictions? Let’s talk…

I blurred myself intentionally in this photo because the person in it with me is the focus of this post. She is my brother’s wife so there is no relation by blood; however she is more than a sister to me, she is more than a friend, and more than even a mother to me. She is all of those things combined. When I’ve been down and out in my life (quite often) she was always there to pick me up. It’s not that my mom or friends weren’t there, but she is the one that I listened to for whatever reason. I guess she always knew just what to say to me. I met her when I was 13 years old and she was dating my brother. The older I got, the more I came to depend on her. I think it was because she was not judgemental of my stupid decisions. She would seem to think about what I was telling her then give me advice. Whatever magic she was using, worked on me. She became so much more to me than just a sister-in-law. She became “my person” for life. She’s not my blood relative, she’s my LIFE relative. We don’t have to be related to someone physically to have that bond with them. Those kinds of bonds go beyond blood. In fact, I think there are lots of families who don’t like each other! Don’t be so short sighted that you deny yourself a bond like I have had just because you’re adopted. Open your heart and your mind and you’ll find more than you were looking for!

Have you ever tried to imagine how hard it would be to grow a baby in your tummy for 9 months to then just hand that sweet baby over to someone else?? I was watching a “16 and Pregnant: Where Are They Now” episode today and I watched a young girl who was struggling with her baby’s daddy and life say to the camera: “I don’t regret NOT giving my baby up for adoption because I would’ve been miserable every day of my life.” I can’t tell you how mad I was to hear that from the young mom. The baby’s father is a recovering drug addict and there is no stability nor does she have a job. So, really? Are you glad you didn’t go with adoption to make yourself feel better?? Do you think that your baby will be so happy that he/she is raised in a broken home with a drug addict for a father and no financial stability? Think about what is best for the baby. My birth mother and every other birth parent out there was extremely courageous and SELFLESS for giving their babies the best life possible while suffering from the huge loss of that child. Ashley, also from “16 & Pregnant”, struggled with the loss so bad that she wasn’t strong enough to go through with it. It’s a life-changing decision for birth parents and the baby. I wish that young parents like Catelynn and Tyler from “Teen Mom” could realize that it isn’t about their feelings or how miserable they will be rather it’s about giving a child a chance at a happy life with responsible and loving parents who can give that baby every opportunity life has to offer. Birth parents should wear badges of honor because it is so hard and they were brave enough to do what was best. I thank my birth mother all the time. Even if she never did anything with her life and gave me up because she just didn’t want a kid, I would still thank her. However, my birth mother is wonderful and has had a good life, which makes me happy because she would not have that good life (like I also have) if she hadn’t made the selfless decision to place me for adoption. We all need to be grateful as adoptees and I beg you, if you are a young mother and not in a good situation or just not ready for kids, please consider adoption. Your child will recognize the courage it took and will thank you. This post is in honor of all birth parents. <3

Do you tend to take the easy way out of a hard situation? Do you realize that you’re just delaying the inevitable and will end up causing more hurt and pain in the long run? I’m not pointing fingers because I know I’ve done this a time or two in my life but what I’ve learned is that it is better to suffer through the hard stuff now than to wait years when it will eventually explode and be worse than if you had just done it in the first place. This can apply to so many different situations. One is where parents take the easy way out with their young kids and just let them have what they want so they don’t have to hear the whining and complaining. But what happens when those little kids turn into teenagers? You will suffer more when they’re older than if you had just told them no when they were little. Another situation is when one person no longer loves another person or just wants to move on without them. It is extremely difficult to let someone down and hurt their feelings. We try and try to find ways out of it or we think to ourselves, just one more day or I’ll do it next week. I know from experience how hard it is to hurt someone, especially if it is a good person who didn’t do anything wrong. But even though you think you’re not hurting them, you are, they just don’t know it at that time. Time flies by and you’ve dealt with the situation and maybe built on the relationship and comforted the other person with words and empty promises so that when you do reach your limit and finally break it off, there is so much more hurt and pain and consequences than if you had just done it from the beginning before they had built upon their emotions for you. There are other situations where you just need to come clean with someone you care about on how you feel about something that they may not be happy with but the more you let it fester the worse the conversation will be when you do finally have it because I guarantee you will have waited till there was a straw that broke the camel’s back and you’re angry. The fear of the consequences is justifiable and yes, it will suck. But when the dust settles, and you’re moving on with your life in a positive way, you will be so thankful you didn’t waste so much of your precious time being less than the happiest you could be. Don’t be lazy and take the easy way out. Be strong and remember that nothing worthwhile is ever easy whether its raising your children or finding happiness with a partner or just communicating your feelings. We all deserve to be happy.

This phrase has been echoing through my head a lot lately. I see some of my friends struggling right now and going through some rough times. I know they’re going to see better days but it makes me think back to when I struggled, whether it was with money, or my love life, or parenting. I remember feeling defeated and helpless not knowing when things were going to get better. But I still woke up everyday and did what I had to do. It was hard, but I dealt with each day as I faced it and tried not to focus too much on the next day or the day after that until one day I realized that things were getting better. That small improvement was all I needed to feel better which made me more motivated until one day I realized that things were great! After the rain, the sun came out. When you’re in the rain, you can’t see the sun but you know it’s coming. Focus on getting through each day as best you can and know that one day you’re going to realize you made it through and the things you learned through the rain is going to make you enjoy the sun that much more.

Ever been given the silent treatment? Doesn’t it drive you nuts? When I hear people arguing or even if I’ve been caught in an argument, I hear words being misconstrued and reused and thrown back in the other person’s face in a very negative way. Then I notice the confusion set in and get worse because now, in the heat of the moment, no one takes the time to make sure they are saying what they mean and saying it correctly. Instead, I like to say nothing. You know, less is more! When I say less then the less they can misinterpret my message. And it really does drive someone crazy to be ignored. There’s nothing to retort to so they eventually give up and walk away until cooler heads prevail. Words are very harmful so why would I chance saying something I might have to apologize for later? I keep my mouth closed so that the argument does not get worse and I watch the other person get so aggravated they give up. Try it next time and see what happens! Silence isn’t actually deadly but it does make a statement!

If you didn’t know me, then you wouldn’t know that you wanted to know me! This is the attitude I had after I learned my birth father wasn’t ready to know me. It really didn’t hurt me that he wasn’t jumping up and down to talk to me because why should he be? He has no idea how cool I am. He has no idea how sweet I am. He has no idea the value I bring to my family. He doesn’t know that I am a good person so why would he be excited to know me? I don’t blame him for that. Besides all of that, he didn’t know I ever existed so it is a lot to take in! If he is never ready to contact me, I am ok with that too because I have all I could ever need in my life with amazing family and friends. I think a part of me was actually relieved that he wasn’t ready because it is a huge emotional investment getting to know a new family. I did it before with my birth mother, which turned out so awesome and worth every bit of those emotions. But I wasn’t sure I was ready to go through all of that again and what are the odds it would turn out as well as it did with her? Although I wanted him to know I existed, I wasn’t so sure about getting to know a new family so I think he did me a favor. For now, we are all better off where just as we are. But I am sure if he ever does get to know me, he will say to me: I had no idea how great it would be to know you!

When does this phrase apply the most? When we need to communicate our feelings. I know every person reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about and have felt this way more than once! Knowing you need to do something that is going to cause hurt or sadness or anger causes great anxiety and procrastination. The conversation we have with ourselves on why we need to do it is easy; actually communicating that or following through is not easy. We talk to our friends and ask advice but even coming up with a good approach doesn’t make it easier. It is the dread of the reaction that makes it so difficult. Every day that you don’t communicate or do something you have to do is another day that you’re torn and anxious. You have to ask yourself, is living with that day after day better? Is living with regret that you didn’t do what you had to do, better? Can you live less than the happiest you could be because you’re scared to communicate and take action for yourself? I know taking the easy way out seems like a good compromise for everyone involved but it is a short term fix. If you ignore the feelings they will come back time and time again just to remind you that they’re still there. I know it is easier said than done, but  you have to communicate or take action for yourself because believe it or not, no matter how much it might hurt someone else in the short term, it truly is the best thing for everyone in the long run. Don’t let things fester, take care of it, deal with the backlash which may be really bad, then heal and move on with your life with no regrets. I know it is hard, but put on your suit of armor, gather your courage and be a warrior for yourself. You deserve it.