Adoptees spend their lives wondering what their biological mother is like now, what were the circumstances, and what she is doing now. We envision both good and bad news stories, but of course always hope for the best. When we actually find her, however, everything we thought we’d feel flies out the window. You never know how you’re going to feel until you find the truth. So which do you prefer: Finding out that your mother was simply in a bad situation, she made a choice, and then went on to lead an amazing life or finding out that your mother had serious mental issues and went on to make bad choices and negatively affected those around her. Finding that she’s led a great life and is completely normal may make you feel like if she had such a great life then why couldn’t she have raised you? Or it might make you feel resentful that she led such a great life without you. What if you find out that she had serious issues, either with drugs or mental problems? It may actually be easier to understand the choice of adoption and validate for you that adoption was the right thing for you. Whichever the situation is, you have to find the positive and know that everything happens for a reason. (I know many adoptees hate that phrase but it’s how I’ve remained sane in my own life) I found a happy and “normal” mother with a great life. I always say that had I not been relinquished then she couldn’t have had this great life and the same goes for me! I don’t hold it against her that she went on to have a happy and normal life, that was the whole reason she relinquished me, so that she could do that, and so that I could do that. I believe for me, it was the right thing. I have a couple of friends who have recently found their birth mothers and the story is not so great. Their mothers are not mentally and/or physically capable of learning that their daughters have found them. Both of them say that they’re at peace with this because they know had they grown up in the family, it would’ve been a long, hard and unhappy road. They’re both very thankful they were relinquished. We all deal with these situations very differently because we’re all very different people. So which would you prefer, good news or bad news story?