When I was little, I remember my mom getting so mad at her Aunt J that she cut her out of our lives. She was so angry, you could practically see fire and steam coming out of her ears anytime Aunt J’s name was mentioned. I knew Aunt J was a brash, vocal person who didn’t seem to have a filter but I didn’t understand why we stopped going to her house to visit. I thought she was fun and I absolutely adored Uncle F. I was  probably around 7 or 8 years old when my mom cut her out of our lives; my mom wasn’t telling me or my brother what was really going on and we didn’t ask a lot of questions . It wasn’t until quite a few years later, I think I was in my teenage years, when she finally came clean about why she had been so mad at her. My mom had begun filling out our family tree and was getting information from Aunt J like names and dates to fill in the tree. When Aunt J saw my name and my brother’s name on the tree, she asked my mom why we should be included, since we were adopted. I can only imagine the reaction mom had in that moment and what sharp words she said to Aunt J but I’m sure it wasn’t nice. It took mom about 20 years before she ever spoke another word to Aunt J. She really never forgave her. My reaction, on the other hand, was one of indifference. I was surprised that she had felt that way but it didn’t hurt my feelings and I just chuckled at the ignorance. Maybe I had too many other things on my mind at that time (being a teenager, and all) that I didn’t dwell on it, it didn’t bother me, and didn’t change the way I saw myself or my place in the family. I only saw her as being ignorant about it and moved on. When I think back on it now, as a mature adult, I still think of it as ignorance only now I try to understand her intent of saying that. I don’t believe it was with malicious intent that she suggested my brother or I didn’t belong on the family tree. As you can see in the picture, and I have many others, she looked at me with love. I imagine she just saw the family tree as a bloodline tracker and of course, we had different bloodstreams. My mom, however, saw it as Aunt J rejecting us as her niece and nephew. My mom truly saw my brother and I as her flesh and blood and didn’t appreciate anyone reminding her that we were adopted. She took it to heart much more than I ever did. I was always secure in my place in life and definitely in my family. My brother and I argued and loved each other just like any other “natural” family. We made our parents mad and proud just like any other “natural” family. We had struggles and triumphs just like anyone else. The fact that Aunt J thought we didn’t necessarily belong on the family tree meant nothing to me. She was ignorant but unfortunately it severed the relationship she had with us and my mom that was never recovered. I’m sure many of you have had similar stories, what’s yours? How did it affect you? Let’s talk.