What would happen if we DID rely on others to make us happy? Imagine for a moment that much like a puppet is controlled by strings, you can’t feel a positive emotion unless someone gives you that emotion. Think of the people that you have surrounded yourself with and think about whether or not they’re happy people. Do they fall victim to negative situations or do they take on a “determination to get through it” kind of attitude? If they can’t get through their own lives with a positive and happy attitude then why are they going to take the time to make you happy, too? To be fair to everyone, it’s not their fault if they don’t have the time or ability to make you happy because it’s not fair to expect that of others! Is there someone in your life that relies solely on you to make them happy and if so, how does that make you feel? It’s up to us as individuals to do what we have to do to be happy. The journey to being happy begins with loving yourself. You first have to dull the noise and distraction around you and focus on yourself. First, find yourself. Whether you have to journal or meditate, do what it takes to get to know yourself. Forgive yourself. Once you find out the root of what causes you pain, forgive yourself and others involved in the cause of that pain. Then, change the way you look at the world. Don’t look at the world and life as if it owes you to be good to you and treat you right. DNA and environment may have shaped you, but YOU decide what kind of person you want to be. Just because there are jerks in your family (adopted or biological) doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be a jerk or have to let them be jerks to you. Laugh at them. Laugh at them because you know they can’t pull your strings and control you, like a puppet. Adoptees notoriously have this issue of letting others’ actions make us happy or sad. Why is that? Because we never had control of our own lives. Others always determined what was going to happen to us, so we find ourselves a victim of the adoption, causing our sadness, our resentment, and our feeling of rejection. We spend our whole lives hoping that finding our biological family will answer all our questions and therefore, bring happiness back to our lives. That hope becomes our crutch. Very often, when we find our biological families, it doesn’t go as we planned and more pain and sadness are brought upon us. Once again, we can’t control the situation and because we relied on them to make us finally happy, we are crushed. If you’re an adoptee searching for your biological family, please take into consideration that you do have control over your own emotions. Do not rely on your adoptive family or your biological family to make you happy. Take back the control you lost once you were placed for adoption. You can and should be happy. If your biological or adoptive families reject you, know that it is THEIR issues, not yours, that causes them to act that way. So… journal, forgive, and change yourself. Only then will you find the happiness you desire. You do deserve it, and it’s in your power to do it. xoxo