I never thought about doing DNA testing for myself because I knew who my biological parents are but funny enough I found myself buying those kits for everyone around me (none adopted). Then one person said, why don’t you do one too? Omg, yes of course! Maybe I can find out even more about my heritage. I seem to have an insatiable need for info about myself. I received the results a few weeks ago. It was thrilling to see where my roots are and to find out I am basically half English and half Irish. I was not surprised, my skin tone and features are pretty consistent with that finding. The other, more interesting, piece was the connections I found. Obviously, my Uncle and 1st cousin were right at the top for matches but the long list of others that share my DNA was pretty incredible. Then they map out those people for you to see where they are across the world. There is someone that shares my DNA living about 15 miles north of me! I just can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that there are at least 200 people out there that are related to me and I know maybe 50 of them! It felt weird to have so many “family” members out there that I didn’t know and that many live in the same state as me. A very small part of me said – well I will never be alone! But I really didn’t know how to feel. I was excited to know my heritage but in a quandary about all the people in the world that share my DNA whom I will never know.

I then put myself in the shoes of an adoptee who does not have their biological information. Receiving a long list of people that are related to you must be overwhelming after a whole life of not knowing even one. The range and mix of emotions must be intense. Anger because you never knew who they were and lost the time with them, bewildered and abandoned all over again, excitement from now being able to reach out and touch someone that belongs to your tribe. If they live close to you, that can intensify those feelings knowing they were just around the corner the whole time. Let’s go ahead and throw fear and anxiety in to that bag of emotions because now you have choices and… you will find out your truth, which is the scariest of them all.

What if you’re related to someone you’re already friends with? What if you’re in a relationship with someone you’re related to? I was on a cruise a few weeks ago and we decided to share a table at dinner. The discussion dove into DNA testing and adopted people. They knew someone who was adopted who discovered some unpleasant truths thru DNA testing. I couldn’t help but pipe up and say something – imagine if they were dating their cousin and had no idea?! Birth records are closed so that is a risk that no one thinks about. They acknowledged they had no idea that birth records were closed and should not be. Then they quickly changed the subject. Maybe the could sense my passion and sensitivities on the topic (ha).

DNA is opening up truths and answering questions. Adoptees no longer need their birth records to find family. Open adoption is more prevalent now it seems but we still do not know the full impacts of that situation, either, and whether or not we are doing that right. There are only a few adult adoptees that grew up in open adoption situations. The few I am aware of do not write positively about it. We still need reform in the system and in choosing adoptive parents. There is much to learn about how to do adoption right and only if there is absolutely no other choice for the child. I’m so grateful for the DNA revolution that is breaking down the secrets. Now let’s start a revolution to make the adoption system work for biological families and adoptees, not just for the people who want to adopt.