Being happy is a state of mind but getting to that state of mind is part of our journey. Everyone wants it but only a few have figured out how to get it. According to a Huffington Post article, a poll administered by Harris Poll found that only 1 in 3 Americans are very happy. Only 33% of our nation considers themselves satisfied and happy in their lives. What an interesting fact to consider. What would you say about yourself? I would love for this poll to focus on adoptees because I feel like the happy ones are silent and we don’t often get to hear how they have gotten to a happy state of mind. I am happy in my life overall; I am happy I was adopted, I feel joy in the family that I have found, and I am satisfied with every other aspect of my life at this moment. However, this is a state of mind that I constantly work at and overcome obstacles to maintain. Life would be very boring if I weren’t. It’s not easy to be happy but being happy and learning what it takes for me to be happy has made the hard work worth it. What are the secrets to happiness?
Stop depending on other people to make you happy. It is not their responsibility. They’re too busy trying to make themselves happy; why should they add you to their burden? It is 100% on you to focus on your own happiness and well-being. Imagine how it would feel while you’re struggling to be happy that someone else thinks its your job to make them happy! Who else knows better what you need than you?
I know that sounds easier said than done but here are some tips that could help you unlock the secrets, which are unique to each of us.
1) (This is my favorite tip.) You can’t change other people’s behavior, you can only change yours. If you’ve told someone over and over how their behavior is hurtful and they just can’t seem to stop then all you can do is change your behavior to effect the behavior you want from them. You know this person and how they react to situations so think about things you could do or say that would cause the reaction you want. Some call this manipulation but I call it looking out for myself. If someone isn’t giving you what you need then give it to yourself. I have cut people out of my life before on this principle. It was really hard and there was some pain associated but time heals all wounds and after it was said and done, I was much happier. I can’t change people’s behaviors, I can only change mine.
2) Don’t put unrealistic expectations on those around you. If you expect too much then they will fail you. I like to discuss expectations when forming relationships and continually talk about those expectations as they morph and evolve. Discussing what you want and need from your friends, spouse, kids, colleagues, etc… from the beginning will avoid surprises or complications down the road. Most importantly, the expectations are agreed upon so everyone is equipped to meet them. If someone isn’t meeting the expectations then they won’t be surprised by consequences.
3) Be ready to work hard and face fears. If you want something you have to be persistent and focused. It takes hard work and you have to conquer things like fear! Fear is the biggest obstacle to being happy! Some people fear meeting their biological family, some people fear making painful decisions even though they have to in order to be happy, and some people fear rejection. These fears plus all others will keep you from reaching your true potential in life. Be fearless and you’ll be happy.
4) Be flexible in your life. You can’t control everything around you so be ready to suddenly change course. It’s good to always have a black up plan in case something isn’t working out the way you want it to. It’s so important to not dwell on the bad things that happen out of your control rather to focus on rising above it and coming out on top. Reach out to experts or someone who has done it before for support. You have to accept changes and not take them personally.
5) Surround yourself with people who understand and appreciate you for who you are. The rest of them are expendable and bring no value to your life. Know who truly cares about you and nurture those relationships and let the others fade off. You will be a much happier person with the right people in your life.
None of this is new or groundbreaking and can probably be found on any “life coach” website or Tony Robbins seminar but I think we just need to be reminded sometimes how to be happy. It’s on us, no one else, and nothing feels better when you’ve gotten yourself to this great place. But remember it must be constantly maintained and evaluated. Give yourself the chance to be happy! Open your mind and your spirit will elevate you. xoxo
HuffPost article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/01/happiness-index-only-1-in_n_3354524.html