Who among you think that every belief and/or value is completely right or completely wrong? We have all developed our own thoughts, opinions, beliefs, values based on our experiences and situations but do you maintain that your opinions are 100% right without any gray area? Do you think there is absolutely no other way to feel about something and that people who do are just wrong? Something  has been bothering me ever since I found the #adoption social media network. I have read the opinions and feelings of birth families, adoptive families and adoptees and as much as we preach about not speaking for us, I find that we actually do it to each other. I would like to give one specific example of this. I saw a tweet a few weeks ago that addressed the “silly cliches” that adoptive families and adoption agencies use to make us adoptees feel better. It was implying that those cliches are senseless and only meant to pacify us and help us feel grateful that we’re adopted, which many feel is intentionally neglecting the real problems we have as adoptees. Here’s how I feel about those “silly cliches”: Those explanations made me feel good about being adopted. Does that horrify you? Do you think that I should be ashamed and that I was lied to and should be angry about that? Are you telling me to feel betrayed by my adoptive parents? Are you telling me how to feel, period? Each and every one of us has the right to feel any way we want about our own situations. Some adoptees may justifiably feel those cliches are dumb and shouldn’t be used but others, like me, love that my parents explained things to me in a way that made me feel good. What they said to me was true; I am special. Just as I don’t want anyone telling me to be mad about those explanations, I’m not telling you to be glad. You are more than welcome to be mad at them and you likely have a very good reason for not liking them! There are two sides to every situation, every feeling, every belief. Being an adoptee can be complicated and there is no absolute way to feel; there are good things and bad things and we all feel differently about it based on our experiences! There are many adoptees who did not benefit from adoption and who are traumatized because of it but there are also adoptees who had beautiful lives and are amazing people BECAUSE they were adopted. Adoption is unique to every single situation, just as every situation surrounding a pregnant woman is different. Some women are in a serious relationship with the father, some are not. Even those women who are in a committed relationship with the father have different circumstances. No two pregnancy situations are the same; they can be similar, but not the exact same. No two adoptive families are the same in the way they adopted or raised their adopted child. Why can’t we talk about being adopted with open minds and support that not everyone feels the same way about it? We need to embrace adoptees whether they are happy people, or not. It’s about healing, if you need healing, and about helping others. It’s not about raising pitchforks to happy adoptees, it’s about raising pitchforks to the fraudulent parts of the adoption industry and antiquated legislation that holds our identities prisoner. Some adoptees don’t even care about THAT but let’s not condemn them for it. There are plenty of us who do want to fight those injustices. Let’s take just some of that energy usually spent talking about all the things that may or may not have have made us miserable and band together in the one ideal that everyone can agree is wrong and tell the world what our rights are and fight for that. Imagine the power…