Many adoptees feel as though they never bonded to their family, as most natural children do. There are also natural children who never bond to their natural families. This type of alienation can happen to anyone and it can make people feel lost and alone, at any age. Whether you’re a baby, child, adolescent, young adult, or elderly, if you need someone to connect with, someone who not only understands you, but can relate to you. They will even be able to guide you based on what they know about you and your experiences. We all need that. I think some people have specific expectations of the people with a specific role in their lives and if those expectations aren’t filled, they just give up on that relationship. Let’s take a “for instance”: Let’s make up a child named Lindsey who is growing up with a best friend named Nicole. Both Lindsey and Nicole have older brothers around the same age but Lindsey notices that Nicole and her brother have a very close relationship. They like to do things together and they stick up for each other. Lindsey, however, has a very different kind of brother who doesn’t seem to have time for her and never wants to talk to her. Because Lindsey sees how fulfilling Nicole’s relationship is with her brother, Lindsey now thinks this is how things should be and now has expectations for her brother to feel the same way. Lindsey’s brother doesn’t get the memo, however, and doesn’t change and is even annoyed by her sudden interest in being his best friend! When he doesn’t meet her expectations of what a good big brother should be like, she is disappointed and causes bitter feelings, possibly for the rest of her life! This is what I mean when people have expectations of a person who fills a specific role in their lives. What Lindsey should realize is that her brother has a different personality and his own expectations of how he should be a big brother so it is unfair for her to put those expectations on him and will probably cause a rift. We first need to understand who these people are that are filling roles in our lives and then the best thing you can do for yourself is realize that if that person isn’t filling that role for you, then maybe you can find someone else who does fulfill that expectation. Maybe Lindsey has a cousin that is more like her and has similar expectations and they become really close and she starts saying things like, “My cousin Vinny is just like a brother to me”. If you feel like you don’t have that typical father/son special bond in your life, don’t write your dad off; find a relationship that works for you two and then go find someone else that fulfills what you think you’re missing from that relationship. There’s so many people in this world, and because technology has flattened it, you have many opportunities to find friends and other family members that will fulfill you, no matter what you’re looking for! As I always say, its up to us to make ourselves happy, no one else. Don’t put your unrealistic expectations on the world, adapt to what you can’t change and find relationships that just naturally work and worry less about the labels.