I went to a Women in Leadership event this week for my company. It was amazing and mind-changing which will lead to life-changing. How I think and feel influences how I live my life. Mid-way through the event I began to realize that much of what was being said not only related to my professional life, but to my life as an adoptee, as well! It was very exciting for me to think of it in this perspective. The great thing about women is that we understand emotions drive actions and actions drive change. One of the greatest examples of this is having confidence. I learned that when I’m in a meeting full of men, I have less confidence. This drives my actions, such as not sitting at the table with everyone else and not speaking up when I have ideas or things to say that will contribute to the objectives of the meeting. Those actions lead to these men not seeing my value and therefore, my name may not come to the forefront of their minds when deciding on someone to promote. How I feel drives my situation. If I project confidence, even if it’s fake, I will be taken seriously and seen as someone who is eager to help, which turns around my boss’s thoughts of me and maybe will lead to that promotion. Who knows? But you’ll never know unless you try it. The part of the event that really made me think of adoptees is how they compared men to women in how we perceive ourselves therefore how others perceive us. They talked about situations like in the meeting where men are not afraid to speak up, men aren’t afraid to march into their boss’s offices with good ideas. Men are confident and carry themselves with that confidence, whether they should be confident or not! Men speak up and sit at the table, even if their ideas aren’t that great. They may not even really feel that confident but they fake it. There’s a theory that we can fake it till we become it. I believe that’s true. I think that if I am more confident and truly believe that I am awesome, that others will see it and believe it, too. Then it comes back full circle so that I then truly believe that I am awesome! Fake it till you become it. Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist at Harvard, talks about this in a TED talk. She felt as though she didn’t belong at Harvard, like she wasn’t really smart enough to be there. She felt as though she was an imposter. (Sounds familiar to us adoptees, right?) She said that her advisor told her, act like you belong here. Come back here everyday and act like you belong. Amy did that until one day she realized, that she did belong there and others believed that she belonged there. Is it possible for adoptees to fake it till we make it? Only we can change how we feel about ourselves and our situation. Did you know that how you perceive yourself is how you are projecting yourself and therefore being perceived as such? Whether you’re an adoptee or not, act like you’re the bomb dot com. Try it for a week and see if others around you treat you differently. I’m going to take on this challenge in my own life, especially at work. I’m going to act confident and I’m going to speak up like my ideas are worth listening to and I believe people will treat me differently, positively. I think I’ll see results at work, I believe I already do this in my home life lol. I’ve never been accused of not having confidence! But if you struggle with this, give it a shot. Maybe you feel like you’re not a strong person and so you’ve told yourself that your whole life until that’s what you believe. So now try telling yourself that you are strong everyday, even if you don’t believe it at first. Just keep telling yourself you’re strong. Fake it till you become it. Let me know if you take the challenge and what positive outcomes you experience! No one else can change the way you see yourself, it’s up to you to do that. How you feel about yourself drives actions, and with action comes change. xoxo