I’ve been on my soapbox lately about the culture of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s driving adoption legislation and vulnerable mothers to placing their children for adoption. I’m fascinated by the fact that culture made these women feel so ashamed that they chose adoption, which causes so much emotional pain that nothing or no one can help it. How could people at that time be so ignorant and blind to the consequences? I have my original court documents for my adoption and took a moment to read them the other day. I am shocked at the verbiage used in regards to my natural mother and the petitioners, my parents. They used words like “abandoned” and “comfortable Christian home” for the child. I remember first reading that word “abandoned” in the paperwork and thinking to myself, well that’s not right! She didn’t abandon me, she released me to a ready, able and loving set of parents to be raised with everything she knew she couldn’t give me. It also states that she had signed the releases of parental rights so why add fuel to the fire and say she abandoned me?? The other line about my parents being fit because they offered a good Christian home just amuses me. That was the ultimate signoff, if the couple had a Christian home? Did I mention that my adoption took place in Mississippi? These words don’t hurt me at all now, I know my natural mother and the situation very well however, when I first read it years before meeting her, I will admit it stung. Did they really consider adoption as abandonment? Didn’t they know that the literal definition of abandon doesn’t necessarily define a birth mother’s sacrifice? Of course not, the culture and legislators then only saw black and white, no in-betweens, no consideration whatsoever to human nature. We know now the effects of adoption on children as they grow into adults, We know now the effects adoption has on the natural parents. We also know now the effects of adoption on the adoptive parents because of their children needing to know where they came from. We need to use that knowledge to make adoption a better and more complete process, instead of an open-ended situation that can hurt everyone involved. Yes there are many, many adoptees that are perfectly fine and at peace with it but there are also many, many adoptees that are hurt, and hurt very deeply. For me, I don’t let antiquated and uneducated words upset me or define who I am as a person. I never give others the power to tell me how to feel. It’s sad how the legal process characterized adoption then, but things are changing, and we are a part of that change! Don’t let silly words that mean nothing make you feel unwanted or “abandoned”. Those are ignorant lawmakers words, not the words of your natural or adoptive family. You can’t change the past so focus on the future. You can be a part of the movement to change the adoption industry and most importantly, help in giving all adoptees the right to their original birth certificates. As complicated as adoption and human emotions are, basic human rights are not complicated.