For a lot of adoptees, we hear adoptive parents and/or birth parents tell us how badly they felt about the adoption and the adoptee is like…. how bad YOU felt?? What about what I was going through? And then we wonder, how could they be so incredibly selfish?! To us, it should be obvious that we are the ones that this happened to and we had no choice in the matter. We didn’t have a say in the decision to place for adoption and we didn’t get to choose our parents like they got to “choose” us. So when we hear them talk about how hard it was for them we get really offended. But here’s a different way to look at it that may help you to deal with it. Most of the time, they are telling you that because they actually think it will make you feel better to know that it wasn’t easy for them. I know that sounds crazy but think about it. When you have a best friend or sister who you helped go through a terrible relationship and subsequent horrible break up, maybe you tell them how bad it was for you, too, or all the bad that you saw in hopes that they will understand that you can relate to their pain and you even hope it shows them how much better off they are without that person. They don’t always intend to be selfish, sometimes they’re trying to let you know that they related to your pain in the situation or they think they are giving you some relief by letting you know they didn’t want to give you up. I’m not saying that all people aren’t trying to be selfish but I’m saying think about where it’s coming from. Are they simply trying to relate to you? We’re the only ones that know no one can relate to it, unless they’re an adoptee too. I think we can all agree that the general public does not know the full effects that adoption has had on adoptees. Although there are so many adults adoptees out there now, our voices aren’t typically heard… yet. Some people are just ignorant to other’s feelings and we have to educate them. And we, as adoptees, have to remember that there is NO situation that is “all about you”. We also have to consider other’s feelings, just as we expect them to consider ours. Let’s be the bigger person, educate, and in the process, heal.