I read a blog post on the Huffington Post a few days ago where the author talked about a paradigm shift of power in the adoption “Triad”.  In the past, the adoptive parents had all the power but with open adoptions and the voice of adult adoptees getting stronger and louder as we all come together the power is shifting away from the adoptive parents. First of all, the fact that adoptees are coming together as once and making change happen and our voices heard is incredible! To me, that is the most amazing feat and accomplishment we could hope for although there is so much more work to do in adoption reform and civil rights for adoptees. The fact that we are enabling a paradigm shift is also powerful. In the past, the adoptive parents had all the rights and power as our “new” parents. The birth mothers had less power and rights but more than the adoptees because they were protected by anonymity and of course, controlled what was going to happen the child. The adoptee’s rights came last, if at all. It is amazing that we were hopefully given to a loving home but what about our human right to know where we came from and who made us? A loving home with amazing parents can never make up for that loss and not knowing. With all of this said, I think instead of a hierachial “triad”, it should be more like a Venn diagram where both the adoptive parents and the birth parents have rights and responsibilities, but those should converge where the adoptee receives ALL of the benefits, creating our own rights.

Adoptive parents have the right and control to be the legal guardians. Their responsibility is to love, care for, educate and raise that child with logical and moral rules that will produce good citizens and be productive members of society. They should have the right to be present at the birth and allowed to hold the baby after to bond. What the adoptive parents should NOT have the right to do is hide the adoption and any facts associated with the birth family from the adoptee. The adoptive parents should NOT have the right to keep secrets from the child in the name of “protecting” the child’s feelings.

The birth mother should have the right to choose if she is going to place her baby for adoption, not forced to do so by anyone. She should also have the right to choose her adoptive parents, hold the baby after birth, and to leave whatever fun or interesting facts about her and the birth family she so desires. She should NOT have the right to anonymity.

In the middle of this is the adoptee who should have the the benefits of all of those rights and responsibilities, like the right to know what DNA created them and what their heritage is and their biological family medical history, which all seems like a huge “DUH” to me, but unbelievably 47 states still deny adoptees those basic human rights.

Visualizing this theory in Venn form shows protection of everyone involved without sacrificing rights and not making any one person have the most control. The adoption agencies and lawyers should build their adoptions based on this instead of how they can make more money. Just as I talk about how I am a blend of both my biological and adoptive families, the adoptee’s rights should be a blend of the rights and responsibilities of the birth and adoptive parents. Let’s not think about power and control in a triangular form of the triad, but let’s think about rights and responsibiltiies in a Venn format. I may not have all the answers here but it’s a good start. What would you add, or take away in that Venn diagram? Let’s talk…