Do you have any idea how powerful perception is in the shaping of your opinions and your own reality of situations and people in your life? It affects every single aspect of our lives yet it can be the flimsiest of foundations on which we feel and think and act. The most powerful thing you can do for yourself is control your perceptions (positive) instead of letting them control you (negative). Consider just one of your ideals and ask yourself how you come to be or believe that ideal? Let’s take racists as an example. The most likely reason someone is racist is because they grew up in a racist home or constantly heard anti-race propaganda. They heard for so long how bad “those” people are they just believed it to be true. This is flimsy, but it happens everyday. But now let’s say that person is racist because of personal experiences with people of a certain race. Is it ok to be racist then? Of course not, because more than likely this person has had just as many bad experiences with people of their own race but other people’s perceptions has affected the way this person shaped their thoughts. But let’s be honest, how many racists do you hear say they are racist because of bad experiences they continuously had their whole lives from one race? Right. Ok so now let’s look at adoptees. I’ve been racking my brain on why there are so many sad and hurt and angry adoptees out there yet I am so happy and know so many others that feel the way I do. It has really been bothering me, wondering why I am the odd man out and it was beginning to make me feel I was wrong for being happy, which didn’t sit well with me. After weeks of thinking about this, I believe this issue of perception is at the root of why there are differences among us. I am NOT saying that there are people out there who didn’t suffer because of adoption in some way or another. What I’m proposing is that you let your situation control you and in the end it caused you to have a bad perception on adoption as a whole. Now let me say that I believe you have every right to feel the pain of what you went through. I believe there are many adoptive parents and adoption agencies that handled the child and the birth mother all wrong leaving so many people damaged. I’m so very sorry for those of you who were raised in unloving homes or for the birth mothers who were lied to and manipulated. You were wronged on so many levels. Those of you who took your experiences and made something positive out of it by becoming activists, attempting to right the wrongs of adoption, is commendable! What I don’t like is when I feel someone is trying to force their ideals onto me when I had a great childhood and reunion. I don’t like being told that I was brainwashed to feel grateful. These are the people that are letting their perceptions control their lives in a negative way and then spreading that negativity. Perception is very powerful. Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust, wrote a book called “Man’s Search For Meaning” and spoke of how he was able to survive by creating a perception for himself outside of that concentration camp. He told himself and imagined himself outside of those walls every possible moment and he believed it was going to happen. The power of perception knows no bounds. My mother always believed people could beat cancer with a positive attitude and fighting nature. When she unfortunately was diagnosed with cancer herself, she tested that theory and has survived leukemia now for 12 years now, outlasting her prognosis. If only we could bottle that kind of positive attitude, maybe we could finally have world peace! In closing, I would like to caveat my whole post by saying it is simply a theory and maybe I’m just trying to create my own perception so that I feel justified in being happy as an adoptee! But I do not claim to be absolutely right about every statement I’ve made and welcome your opposing opinions. Also I do not judge others or condemn anyone for feeling the way they do, I’m simply trying to understand because with understanding comes compassion. We could all use more of that.