Allow me to go off topic today… for just a moment…
The Middle School bully may not be the worst bully, but it has the worst effect on the kid being bullied. It is a well-known fact that this is the most impressionable age. This is when kids are really finding themselves and unfortunately a lot of them aren’t strong enough to NOT let perceptions become their reality. However, the very sad truth is that the bully also has deep insecurity issues that they are taking out on innocent bystanders. I wish I could help the bullies so that they wouldn’t be bullies anymore. If I could reach the middle school bullies, this is what I’d say.
Dear Middle School bully, I want to know why and I don’t want to hear the obvious answer from the top of your head like: it’s fun, or it’s easy. I want you to look deep inside yourself and tell me why. Does it make you happy to your core to tease and taunt other people? I realize it may be fun and make you happy in the moment but when you go home after school and you’re sitting by yourself in your room, does it make you a happy person 24 hours a day 7 days a week? People immediately want to hate a bully because let’s face it, you’re not a nice person and you leave devastation in your wake, however I don’t hate you. I don’t presume to know what is going on in your sad life to make you so hateful but it has to be pretty bad for you to want others to be as miserable as you are. You would never admit to anyone that you’re miserable but you don’t have to because your actions speak louder than words. I want to know why. I want to know your past, your deepest darkest feelings and the awful things YOU have gone through that makes you want others to feel the same way. Your cheap shots for your own amusement only lasts for the moment. Don’t you want to feel happy most of the time instead of some of the time? I think all you need is some compassion and love and someone to work with you. It’s really easy to be happy…. It takes a lot of work to be miserable. Make it easier on yourself and everyone around you and just try it. Just to try “pay it forward” and see how it comes back to you. It can’t hurt… can’t hurt worse than the pain you already feel. I dare you to try it. Sincerely, someone who cares.
I know this has nothing to do with adoption but my daughter is in middle school and I see a lot of this going on and kids committing suicide because of it. The way I approach a problem is to get to the root of the issue and resolve it. But this root issue isn’t easily resolved because the bully’s parent is the only one who can make sure he/she gets the treatment they need. Unfortunately, their parents are usually not very involved, which is one of the biggest reasons a kid is a bully. I wish I could make the whole world a better place, one kid at a time. (sigh) Ok… now back to your regularly scheduled programming. I’ll be back to adoption issues soon. Thanks for letting me rant.