Typically, the heart leads your wants and the head leads your needs. If the two don’t agree then there is a hefty battle between them. Imagine that fight! In this corner, we have the head, weighing in at an average 3 lbs, and trained in logical and practical matters. And in the other corner we have the heart, weighing in at an average 10-12 ounces and trained in passion and spontaneity. They are told to fight fair and the bell rings. The heart comes out first very strong and leads the head in the direction the heart wants to go. The heart is remaining in control for longer than expected and has the head on the ground! The ref starts to countdown for a seemingly easy knockout when out of nowhere the head jumps up off the floor, punches the heart and staggers to the side ropes. It seems to be gaining strength and starts to pound on the heart wanting to let the heart know that it knows best what should happen and beating the heart to submission. The heart won’t go down easy though and fights back. The heart sucker punches the head and the head reels back for only a moment then comes back strong and gets in a few fair punches on the heart. The fight is going back and forth, each one wanting to win just as badly as the other. What are the stakes? Who will win? Who SHOULD win? When it comes to romantic relationships, the head doesn’t have a chance. The heart wants what it wants and will find a way to manipulate the head and eventually gets what it wants, whether its for the best or not. When it comes to dealing with family, the head needs to win because with family, the heart can get taken advantage of and that makes things worse. How do we step outside of this internal battle? Try to imagine it is your friend going through this and what would you say to them? Or talk to someone you know or a therapist that is completely removed and objective about the outcome. You want to protect both your head and heart and ideally, you come to a conclusion that is a draw between them. The head and the heart hug it out and walk out of the ring together, both triumphant because a compromise is made that makes you happy all the way around! It is hard and usually requires a “ref” so be sure you have one.